Parenting Styles: What Kind Of Parent Are You?

Parenting styles are structures that include parents ’conscious, voluntary, and unintentional behaviors, attitudes, gestures, and verbal and paraverbal messages with their children, as well as the techniques, tactics, and methods of communication they use.

No school institution teaches people to be parents. Instead, people learn this role and parenting styles from the way they were raised as children. It is also characterized by acts and corrections that parents believe to be right. The previous generation is thus a benchmark in raising children.

Parents also act as mirrors for their children. In other words, parenting styles involve an unintentional flow of information. Indeed, parents are more transparent than they think they are. They pass on to their children, among other things, values, beliefs, forms of emotional expression, communication styles, and commands.

Parenting Styles – What Kind Of Parent Are You?

Psychologist Diana Baumrind developed one of the best-known theories regarding parenting styles. He classified parents into four categories:

• Authoritarian. Such parents tell their children exactly what they need to do.
• Tolerant. Such parents let their children do what they want.
• Authoritative. Such parents provide standards and guidelines without being overly prescriptive.
• Neglecting. Such parents neglect their children and focus on other things.

Authoritative parents

Such parents are balanced and maintain a conversation with their children. This is the best way to make children understand.

They are also demanding, sensitive and focused on their children. They also want their children to become independent and mature adults. Likewise, they understand their children’s feelings and teach their children to control them.

In general, such parents are not very dominant. This allows children to explore things more freely as well as make their own decisions based on their own thoughts.

By supporting their children’s personal initiative, such parents allow their children to solve the problems they face on a daily basis. This leads to autonomy.

When they punish their children, they explain to the children the reason for the punishment, which is usually not serious or arbitrary. This is because while they usually forgive, they seek to teach rather than punish. This usually leads to an improvement in children’s self-esteem and independence.

Such a parenting style also sets clear rules and boundaries. It also allows children to develop their independence. In addition, such parents expect mature use from their children, but always according to their age.  In other words, children should behave according to their own level of development.

Authoritarian parents

Such parents are not receptive and have high expectations for their children.  They also impose a totalitarian regime characterized by high standards of compliance with family rules. There is therefore very little dialogue between parents and children. Children must not question the commandments.

This kind of parenting style is restrictive and parents punish their children when children do not meet their expectations. They also expect children to respect the work and effort that is put into their upbringing.

They do not encourage dialogue and sometimes oppose it through disciplinary action. For example, saying “don’t talk to me until you do what I told you to do”. Often the only explanation they give the child is “because I say so”.

They are also less sensitive to the needs of their children and are more likely to hit or shout at them rather than discuss the problem. Children with this type of parenting style have poorer social skills, as their parents usually tell them what to do instead of allowing them to decide for themselves.

Such parents exercise discipline without giving children any autonomy. So they see obedience as a virtue and for that reason they tend to favor punishment.

Tolerant parents

Such parents are very sensitive to the needs and desires of their children. Nor do they tend to have too many expectations regarding behavior. Parents are heavily involved in the lives of their children in this parenting style. However, they do not demand much from their children and do not have much power over the lives of their children. Lack of boundaries causes children to not develop self-control skills.

Children of tolerant parents tend to be immature, unable to control their whims, and to be socially responsible. In other words, they tend to be more impulsive and can become social outcasts during adolescence. Nor do such children ever learn to control their own behavior and expect to always get away with it, no matter what they do.

Neglecting parents

Such parents are neither demanding nor flexible. They are also cold and do not usually participate in the lives of their children. So they don’t demand anything, set boundaries or teach children to take responsibility.

Neglecting parents usually ignore their children’s feelings and opinions. Likewise, they do not support children but instead provide only basic needs (home, education and food). They are usually mentally absent and sometimes also physically absent; meaning that there is therefore no communication, even if they are physically present.

They are not sensitive to the needs of their children and do not expect them to behave in a certain way. Children raised in a neglected environment may have mental and behavioral problems as adults.

Lack of love and advice has a very negative effect on the development of these children and teens. So they may feel insecure, worthless, and dependent. They find it difficult to be social and have a low tolerance for frustration.

Special parenting styles

Based on Baumrind’s parenting styles, we can notice several different parenting types and their combinations. We need to be aware that most parents combine different types, which is why parenting is kind of biased.

Guilty

Parents who feel guilty about setting boundaries. They strive to become recognized and loved by their children. So they believe that banning will lead to fighting.

Demanding

They encourage their children by exploring all possibilities. They also value and motivate their children.

Too demanding

They always talk about what their children didn’t achieve. So they don’t value what the children have achieved, they only focus on where they failed. It is about indirect underestimation.

Authoritarian

They are dictators who do not explain the reasons for their restrictions and commands. It doesn’t matter what their kids want. Instead, they focus only on what they believe is best for their children.

Set a time limit

Mothers and fathers who set effective, clear, flexible, and explained boundaries.

Too giving

Parents who believe in the needs and comforts of their children to give and receive everything will ensure the proper development of the children.

Unrestrictedly tolerant

These are parents who think too much about what children want and don’t hold back children’s ideas. So they do not set boundaries. They tend not to direct their children and they end up under the authority of their own children.

Demanding

Such parents need the love and recognition of their children and they strive to please as well as receive appreciation from their children. They are convinced that home is the best place for their children.

Overprotective

They protect their children too much and do not encourage them to become independent. In practice, they are afraid that something may happen to children. They do their best for them.

Projective

Parents who try to throw their frustrated desires at their children. They projected things to their children that they themselves could not do. They do not listen to the wishes of their children.

Antava

Parents who guide their children. They give their children advice, but also the freedom to make their own decisions. For example, they give their children material things as effort stones towards independence. They know they need to let go of their children.

Omnipotent

They believe they can do anything. They provide their children with everything they need, and more. They are convinced that this is the best way to raise children.

Communicative

They prioritize communication and explain what is quietly alluded to in the family. They don’t put pressure on their children. Instead, they respect the moments, ask questions, and avoid assuming things.

Unlimited

They encourage freedom and independence without measuring the real emotional world or maturity of their children in terms of becoming independent.

Valorizing

They are spiritually reinforcing. So they express love and appreciation in words and attitudes.

Parenting styles: bad combinations

• Unlimited and omnipotent. Not only do they stimulate unlimited freedom, but they give their children everything they want and don’t let them grow. For example, they may give their child an apartment so that he or she can live alone and pay all his or her expenses. They usually “capture” their children because they do not encourage independence but take care of all the needs of their children.
• Good and bad. It can be an authoritarian and guilty parent. Another sets extreme as well as strict boundaries and commands and punishes his children. The other, in turn, protects and defends children. It is a coalition in favor of a coalition.

• Tolerant and guilty. They allow unlimited deeds, and feel no guilt if they don’t set boundaries. So they end up being children of their children. This creates an inverse hierarchy. Children dominate and parents submit.
• Overwhelming and projective.  Not only do they neglect their children and their desires or aspirations, but they are also too demanding not knowing what their children want and can do. They usually focus on their children’s shortcomings according to their own parameters. The characteristics of authoritarian parents exacerbate this.

A strengthening and functioning parent is one who favors growth, autonomy, communication, expression of love, and clear boundaries. He has the following qualities: valorizing, discerning, prolific, demanding, time-setting, and communicative.

Knowing all these parenting styles, we can conclude that raising children is a daily learning.